This is why I will visit India in the springtime.
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I knew there was a good chance I would get soaked. It had been raining off and on for the past 24 hours, and some heavy storms had blown through. In the 3.30am darkness, I struggled to find my leggings, my sneakers, my headlamp. I finally made it out the door (almost forgetting my key) and started up the music. First song? “Closer to Fine.” I knew I had made the perfect choice.
This morning I woke early, unable to find rest. I’d been asleep for just a few hours, but between the unexpected silence between rainstorms and the emptiness of my bed, I realized it was just better to get up and run. I’d been missing the feeling of wind against my face, of pushing my body further and harder, up the hill, around the corner, a little bit faster. So up I got, and out I went, into the thickness of a humid, black pre-dawn morning.
And then I came home. Four and a half miles later, wet and cold and sweaty, I came home.
And I slept.
It isn’t every morning that I willingly get up and run. It isn’t every day I admit that I am exhausted, and sore, and would really be better served by staying in bed. It isn’t every night that I turn off the computer and quiet the radio, confessing that I’d sleep better in silence.
But today, a tiny piece of wisdom, something I could finally hear, dropped into my world from Amy Palko. It said:
“[T]his is a call to respect the void. Take some time to connect to the silence and don’t fill it full with activity and noise. Just allow it to be. Some fallow time.
For this void is where everything is born, and you may just find that when you open up space in your life, the universe will fill it with precisely what will feel delicious!”
Finally. Finally I could listen, could trust that sometimes it is okay to say no.
In the saying “no,” we create space for the “yes.”
For so long, I have been obsessed with the filling up, the cramming in, the hoarding, the collecting, the perpetual gathering. It seemed the only possible way to achieve my dreams (the ones I was actually strong enough to work toward) was to keep going, keep collecting, keep fighting. But what if all this fighting, all this pushing was really a pushing against, not a pushing toward?
These days, my world is filled with obsessing over my law school application. Something I no longer have any control over. And I mean, obsessing. As in, every waking moment I am not occupied with the task-at-hand, I am thinking about how I could have re-written this sentence or included that on my resume or perhaps taken the LSAT one more time before applications were due. Obsessing to the point of near-insanity.
And then I went running this morning. And somewhere between the second and third mile, the rubber-band of obsession snapped. I stopped, dead in my tracks, and exhaled. There is nothing more I can do. There is not another “yes” to be said in this moment. And, just like that (haha), everything shifted.
Today, I asked for support around being accepted to law school. Support from friends, family, lovers, strangers. Anyone who will hold the intention of my being accepted to law school at UW-Madison and beginning classes in the Fall of 2012. And now I let it go.
Setting the intention, doing the very best work I can, and then releasing it to the Universe. This is my work right now. Accepting when there is absolutely nothing left for me to say “yes” to. And being okay with that. Making space for the fields of possibility to rest, for the seeds to sprout, for the potential energy to build and burst forward (when it’s ready).
How are you learning to say “no” today? And what “yes” does it create in your life?
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I’m so excited to be featuring Alison Gresik as this week’s Warrior Women Interview! Smart, funny, and a whole lot of kindness, I knew of Alison only through mutual friends until her post on walking depression jolted me from denial and inspired me to reach out and wave hello. Currently travelling the world with her family, she has graciously shared her art, life, and work with us today! Thank you Alison!
Tell us about how you got started on this path.
About ten years ago, I was wickedly unhappy. I was trying and failing to write a novel while holding down two jobs and umpteen unpaid gigs and dealing with family stress. Recovering from that unhappiness, which some would call “depression,” was a crash course in what creative people need to be joyful and whole. The things I learned transformed my life — from over-stressed day-labourer and volunteer junkie to globe-trotting writer, entrepreneur, and mother — and cranked up my creative flow from a trickle to a torrent.
And I couldn’t help but share what I learned with friends and family who were suffering in a similar way. As soon as I discovered that there was such a thing as a writing coach, I wanted to be one. I wanted to earn my living by shepherding creative people out of the valley of shadows and into the light. The first step was getting coached myself, and from there I started training with the Creativity Coaching Association, and I haven’t let up since.
Who directly participates in your work?
The people who are drawn to my coaching practice have a few things in common. They’re generally literary writers and fine artists in mid-career, meaning that they’ve developed mastery in their discipline and achieved some professional success. They are very good at getting things done — methodical, ambitious, and dedicated. And they are in crisis because they feel trapped in a life that doesn’t allow them to create in a way that feeds their soul. Either they’ve put their personal art on hold to serve other agendas, or they are locked into an artistic career at a pace they can’t sustain.
I think there is an invisible throng of these strong-willed but miserable creatives. They look accomplished and together on the outside, but there is a hidden need for meaning and creative expression that’s going unmet, and it’s eating away at them. They often don’t even allow themselves to acknowledge that there’s something wrong, because they are so committed to fulfilling their responsibilities that they can’t imagine life being any different — that they deserve to be happy instead of burned-out.
What is the most beneficial aspect of your work on this journey?
Right now I’m focused on providing one-on-one coaching. I call this work Enter the Labyrinth, because for me that name captures the sacred walk of recovery that we take together as coach and client. The slow-release, intimate engagement is powerful in the way that it loosens the grip of old lies about perfectionism, people-pleasing, and unrelenting work. Through our time together, my clients remember why art matters to them and begin to fall in love with their artistic process. When they claim their right to create on their terms, they’re happier, more productive, and more successful.
Describe your current big project or dream and how you are bringing it to the world.
Almost a year ago, my family embarked on a life of slow travel that we call Operation Hejira (in honour of the Joni Mitchell album). I’m writing a memoir that tells the story of the first year of Operation Hejira against the backdrop of my recovery from depression. I’m still rather astonished at how far I’ve come, from the messy depths of despair to what feels like a charmed life, and I have an irresistible urge to describe how it happened.
This project was born in collaboration with a magnificent designer, Michelle Farinella, and in order to have creative control over the design and distribution, I will be self-publishing the book. I’ve been financing the production costs out of my own pocket, and soon I’ll be staging a Kickstarter fundraiser to bring it the next step of the way.
I’ve learned so much from reading about other people’s lives. (My most recent favourite is Cheryl Strayed’s memoir Wild, which I devoured last week. I think you may have heard of it?) Now feels like the right time to add my voice to the chorus.
What keeps you doing this work with joy and gratitude?
Honestly, I’m a sucker for epiphany and transformation. To meet someone at a low point, where they’re questioning their future as an artist, and watch as they gain hope, take action, and emerge triumphant? I find that intoxicating. It’s like reading a novel that’s unfolding right in front of me. Coaching fulfills my desire to be of service, to pass on the wisdom and encouragement that I’ve received from so many quarters.
What is one thing you can suggest women do to move forward in their personal journey with integrity and wholeness?
There’s this notion that there are analytical left-brained people and there are imaginative right-brained people. In reality, creative people draw on both sides of the brain to solve problems and express themselves creatively. So I encourage women to see and nurture both their rational and emotional aspects, learn to move back and forth between them and have them collaborate instead of duking it out. I’ve written about how I made peace between the two sides of my brain, which I have named Margaret and Mireille (you can probably guess which is which).
Please share some final words for our sisters in community.
Like many women, I’ve spent a lot of time taking care of other people and things. And when I was exhausted and sad and resentful, this plaintive cry would rise up from inside, “Who’s taking care of me?”
Let someone take care of you. Let someone listen without wanting any airtime for themselves. Let someone check in on you, and remind you of your strengths, and make sure you get what you need. You deserve that. Truly.
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among the blossoms
spreading beauty
there is an imperfection –
the deepest reminder
of true Spring.
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Doing a little schedule-shuffle today, so watch for the Warrior Women Interview with Cheryl Strayed next week! In the meantime, go buy her book WILD and then enjoy today’s interview with Sandi Faviell Amorim!!!
Tell us about how you got started on this path.
Seems to me, I’ve always been curious and creative, with an intense need to ask questions and understand how life works. This often got me into trouble as a child because I would question everything. These two traits lead me to the arts: painting, literature, photography, art history – these subjects consumed me, and against all advice I found myself in art school.
This eventually lead to my first business in photography, which much to my surprise lead to coaching. I often heard from my photography clients that they were surprised by how much they loved their photos (I was doing mostly portraiture) and I began to wonder what I was doing during the photo shoot that was creating this outcome. I realized it was the conversations I was having with them; asking them questions, distracting them from their self-consciousness with the camera. This created a safe space for them to show up authentically and naturally themselves.
Shortly after this realization I discovered the profession of professional coaching and fell in love. Up until that time, it seemed I was still looking for what I was going to be when I grew up. When I launched my next business Deva Coaching, I knew that this was something I would do in one form or another for the rest of my life. And here I am almost 12 years later.
Who directly participates in your work?
From the beginning, Deva Coaching was about having people shine. Then last year, this took on a more personal meaning for me. After my father-in-law passed away suddenly, I knew I had to help people deal with their someday thinking. My father-in-law was an inspiration, pursuing his passions in life in a way I’d rarely seen. He died having done most everything he’d wanted to in life and I think I can safely say he had few regrets.
This realization unleashed a desire in me to help people crush their someday thinking, ie: Someday I’ll write a book, find the right partner, start a business, etc. Once that clarity took hold I began working with people (primarily women) who felt frustrated and fed up with how they’d put off their dreams. One client is in the process of writing a book, another travelling for the first time in her life, and yet another, starting her own business.
Crushing someday thinking takes courage for as soon as people begin to take action on their dreams, the lizard brain is awakened and fear intensifies. I like to have fun and play with these fear-based lizard brain conversations so that people live life with fewer regrets. It’s also when curiousity makes all the difference!
What is the most beneficial aspect of your work on this journey?
The moment a woman says YES to her dream and contacts me to take that first step. It takes such heart and courage to deal with long-held limiting beliefs and fears and my heart nearly bursts with excitement when I hear that commitment to themselves. This is followed by a profound moment when they begin to see results; when they’ve taken consistent actions and actually see their dream taking shape!
Describe your current big project or dream and how you are bringing it to the world.
My current big project has triggered my own fears and it’s given me a strong reminder of what it’s like to face down the inner demons! I’ve begun writing my first ebook, which is also a precursor to a book I’ve had in mind for the past 5 years. That book began as part of my own journey with dating and relationship, and what it takes to keep going when time after time we experience disappointment. Sharing it sends a shiver of fear and excitement down my spine.
What keeps you doing this work with joy and gratitude?
It’s quite simple really, the conversations I am privileged to have every single day are food for the soul and I can’t imagine my life without them!
What is one thing you suggest women can do to move forward in their personal journey with integrity and wholeness?
As women, we are conditioned and taught repeatedly to nurture and care for others before caring for ourselves. Family, school, society, the media all contributing to this belief. But over and over I’ve seen how little we’ve left to give when we don’t nourish ourselves first.
As cliche as it might sound, we’ve got to learn to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. Often this is the first place I start with clients; helping them get what they need in turn helps them pursue their dreams. It comes down to figuring out what you need and then begin asking for it.
Please share some final words for our sisters in community.
Take care of yourself and your dream as fully and committedly as you’d take care of others. Not someday, but today and every day. The return on this one investment is greater than you could ever imagine.
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Life is a spiral. We walk the labyrinth, circling around, doubling back, moving inward and further from center. We always spiral back.
Last June, I took the LSAT. I was certain I would apply to law school in the fall {six programs, spanning East Coast/West Coast/Midwest/Canada} and be moving early summer to begin me preparations for a first-year law student Autumn. It felt amazing. I felt alive. My goals and purpose were clear.
And then I fell into the self-sabotage trap, as I have done so many times before. I blew past the admissions deadline for early admission, ignored my essays, and just let the whole thing go. I deleted emails from law schools before even opening them. I pushed it from my heart. I let go of the dreams.
I have this deep-rooted belief that if I succeed in life, if I make my dreams happen, I will be offended my mum, who let so many of her dreams go to raise a family. I have this unspoken fear of success. I intentionally {subconsciously} prevent myself from getting too far ahead, from gaining just more than barely surviving, from being happy. Because I never saw my mum happy. I never made her proud.
And I fear she would just be disappointed in me again if I actually made something of my life. That if I somehow managed to go back to school — and especially law school — and make a difference in the world, and earn a more than just barely surviving wage, and had a career I loved, that somehow my mum would hate me even more than I fear she already does.
So, I have continually botched my applications. For undergraduate school {I wanted to go to Smith}, for graduate school {I never even finished my applications during the first time I applied}, and for law school last Fall. I put this out there because I’m not alone in this. We all have moments where we stand in our way, preventing ourselves from what we really want.
And what I really want is to be a voice, to tell the stories of others, in a legal way.
I want to be that witness. I want to support those who are surviving, and give them hope. I want to hear them.
I know what it is like to not be heard. I know what it is like to suffer at the hands {bodies} of others, and have no where to go, no one in whom you can confide, and no justice for all the pain. I know what it is like to feel completely helpless in the face of a system that prides itself on purple prose and jargon. And I want to be that translator.
I’ve lived through a lifetime of abuses. I’ve been in abusive relationships, two of which were with partners of the same gender. I know that not only did I feel I couldn’t seek out services from “traditional” domestic violence service providers, but that I felt completely invisible in relation to the court system. I tried to file a restraining order against a female partner, only to have the judge dismiss it because he didn’t think women could be “that violent.” I walked into that courtroom with a black eye and two broken fingers. And three police reports. I have seen the silent abuse. I have seen friends and loved ones crumble because they couldn’t keep the secrets any longer.
And I don’t want to live in that world.
So I accept the journey of the spiral. I move again, ever forward ever back, adjusting, shifting. I accept the calling. I am applying to law school. I have less than ten days to complete the application. And I will do it. I will pay the fee, and I will put all of my best intention into success. I haven’t got the most stellar grades, I didn’t get the highest LSAT score, but I am committed. I am dedicated. And I will be a voice for those who stand in silence.
I cannot ignore the truth of my heart any longer.
What does this mean for A Forest of Stories? Not much will change. I will still write here, still feature amazing Warrior Women, still share writing prompts and teach workshops. But in this moment, when I breathe deeply into this truth, I feel more of honesty and experience aligning than I ever knew possible. I feel the pieces clicking into place, and it is such sweetness. To feel this shift, to be more whole, what could be sweeter?
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Today is March 19th.
I was planning on beginning a workshop this morning, complete with awesome videos, worksheets, and the greatest kinds of adventures. I was all set: posts were scheduled, videos already recorded and uploaded, and emails in the queue.
But no one signed up.
Not a single registration. Zero.
Now, I could make a lot out of this:
*my work isn’t interesting
*i’m charging too much
*no one thinks i’m a good teacher
*it’s just like every other writing workshop
*who am i to think i can teach?
*i’m not worthy of students
*i tell too much of my personal life…
*…people must think i’m crazy
*nothing i offer has value
I can be really good at hearing the voices of dissent. But I’m not so good at listening to them.
Here’s the truth of it:
I barely marketed this workshop.
When I create a workshop, I put in over 100 hours of time, from creating worksheets, recording and editing videos, building the course website, making information accessible and enjoyable, and constructing an incredibly meaningful and intimate experience for the students. When I put something into the world, I want it to be my best possible work. Something I can be truly proud to share.
But the time between when I decided to open registration for this workshop and today has been filled to the brim with a lot. A LOT. So many changes, so many challenges, so much up and down. And I’m in the business of integration, of honoring my head and my heart and my life as all part of the experience. I’m working on bringing more balance and more connection to these parts of me, so I have to respect this.
It means I’ve been on my computer once every two or three days, though. Given my current eight-miles-one-way commute to work as a waitress, my MacBook Pro is just too heavy to carry with me daily, so when I might otherwise have free time to work on marketing/emails/blogging/etc, I don’t have the tools with me to do so. I know someday I’ll have an iPad, which will give me the freedom to work wherever I happen to be when I’m able to work, but for now it means a longer wait for replies, fewer tweets and marketing announcements, and generally less communication from me. There is a loss in this for me, a sadness in the disconnect, but I am adjusting. slowly …
There is a deep lesson {well, several} in this experience for me. When I don’t find the balance, when I don’t dedicate time and energy to my work, I cannot reap the results. Which, simply put, means:
If I don’t do the work to get my workshops and writing into the world, I don’t get anyone looking at it, and then I don’t earn any money {keeping this as a hobby, not a business}.
Let this experience be both an opportunity to learn my own strengths and skills, and a moment of teaching for any of you out there wanting to offer workshops and learning experiences for others.
If you don’t do the work, no matter the reason, you won’t get paid.
Who is ready to do the work?
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Or: How to stay creative while working a “real” job:
* carry a notebook in your pocket, and take the time to write down inspiration
* USE YOUR CELLPHONE CAMERA — take snapshots of things you see to use for later inspiration
* set aside time every week {ala Artist Date’s from The Artist’s Ways} to cultivate new experiences and generate new ideas
* set aside time every week AND SCHEDULE IT INTO YOUR LIFE to commit to your practicing your art — whether it is on canvas, with a pen or keyboard, on an instrument, or anywhere else
* connect with other creatives in your field: go to coffee shops, free concerts, museums, gallery nights, public gardens, anywhere that your people might gather — and then TALK TO THEM
* take care of your body: do yoga, run, bike, eat good food, stop drinking every night, cut back the caffeine, sleep restfully, and connect with those who feed your spirit
* don’t let the haters get you down — and if they start to, pin their likeness on the wall and throw darts at it until you feel better
* never settle for less than your absolutely best — the best you are able to do in that moment — whether it is in your day job, your creative job, or in your heart
* take a chance on possibility — you never know what will happen until you try
* remember:
the reason you are working this job is to fund your passion, your creativity
give yourself a break for not spending 100% of your life being creative, and hold your vision, your goals, as the dreams to make real in the {very near} future
you will survive this. and it’ll make a great story … someday
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I scanned this image from a friend’s collection. Neither she nor I know who the woman in the photograph is, or the name of the dog, or the reason for her expression. I only know how much laughter this photograph brings me. And some days, laughter is the only thing that keeps us from crying.
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This week’s Warrior Women Interview is with the magnanimous Andrea Olson! The creator of amultitudeofthings, a community of individuals dedicated to embracing their possibilities and crafting lives they love. She recently launched Possible to Probable where she works with individuals as a personal dream manager, drawing on her background in law and a multitude of things in between.
Tell us about how you got started on this path.
My path actually began about 15 years ago when I left the practice of law. I hated being a lawyer but had been so focused on getting an education, getting the right jobs, and doing the right things that I didn’t even realize that I knew absolutely nothing about myself – which came as quite a shock when I finally mustered up the courage to leave the law behind.
Those first few post-lawyer years were incredibly painful as I tried one thing after another in an attempt to find the “one thing” that would make me want to jump out of bed every morning. Not only did I doubt myself, but my insecurities were reflected in the eyes of my family and friends. No one really understood what I was up to or what I was trying to accomplish. After all, how could anyone leave a lucrative career without a backup plan?
At the time, I’m not sure I understood what I was doing either. I just knew that I had to continue doing things my way and letting things unfold as they should. Looking back, I can see that I was finding my way – and myself – one small step at a time. I experimented and played with all kinds of things, from real estate investing and lobbying to selling antiques and designing children’s socks.
What I ultimately learned is that I have a multitude of things that I like, enjoy, and want to experience and that my life will probably never look ordinary. I will always be on a journey of discovery, trying new things, and making my life my own.
Who directly participates in your work?
My work was born when I realized something significant during the course of my own journey: people were secretly admiring me from the sidelines. Who knew??
At first, this came as quite a surprise. I had no idea people felt this way until they started quietly seeking me out to ask how I was able to do what I had done. They expressed concerns about their lives because they wanted to do too many things or because they didn’t know what they wanted to do. They were looking for a way to pursue their possibilities or become reacquainted with them but they didn’t know how to go about it.
Launching amultitudeofthings was a response to this discovery. My work is now focused on helping people embrace their possibilities and craft lives they love.
What is the most beneficial aspect of your work on this journey?
I think the most beneficial aspect of my work is something I initially discounted as having any value since it seems so natural to me: I am able to gift people with inspiration and allow them to see their impossibilities as possibilities through the lens of my own experience. I’ve walked in their shoes. I’ve asked the same questions. I’ve felt alone and a little bit wackadoo for wanting more. I am also able to offer unique insights as result of having had careers in law, real estate, and higher education as well as starting numerous entrepreneurial initiatives.
Describe your current big project or dream and how you are bringing it to the world.
My current big project is my Possible to Probable program. I’m working with the most marvelous clients to help them take their possibilities to probabilities. In changing careers multiple times and working on big, diverse projects, I discovered something so obvious it is often overlooked – in order to make something happen, you actually have to do something.
Possible to Probable focuses on doing small things consistently to put you on the path to where you want to go. I just love it! It is so fun to see what people are able to accomplish when they actually take the first small steps.
What keeps you doing this work with joy and gratitude?
It sounds kind of corny but I love knowing that I’ve helped someone in some small way. When I get an email from a subscriber thanking me for the words they needed to hear or a comment from a client who is ecstatic that they’ve sold their first product, I am over the moon.
What is one thing you suggest women can do to move forward in their personal journey with integrity and wholeness?
In order to have possibilities for life and discover the authentic you, you’ve got to play. When you play, you approach opportunities with joy and don’t hold any expectations about the outcome. You are merely there to enjoy, experience, and learn about yourself – which is the whole point of it all anyway. My advice? Play with opportunities. Play with experiences. Play with jobs. Play with hobbies. Who knows where it will take you?
Please share some final words for our sisters in community.
Take the time to know your multitudes and honor every sweet facet of yourself. No one else will do this for you. I promise it will be totally worth the effort.
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